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Laugh, smile, love and live more in 2016

New Year's Resolutions Are Just Setting You Up To Fail

Every year all day and night on the 31st of December I am asked 'what is your New Year's Resolution', even by people I don't know. I have never made a New Year's Resolution, I just don't get it and everyone has the same resolutions every year. Lose weight, stop smoking, get a new job or find love and every year the make the exact same resolution. It's just words with no actual intent or plan, they have no heart. Lose weight, if this is your resolution you are doomed to fail maybe instead go with I'm going to live a healthier lifestyle or I'm going to eat healthier. Personally, the minute I say I am going on a diet I suddenly crave junk food and massive amounts of junk food. It is all I can think about, I wasn't craving it before I said I was going on a diet but 2 minutes after I say it, it is all I want.

Maybe instead of a massive broad statement of 'my New Year's Resolution is ______', we should keep it small. Every Monday, 'this week I am going to eat healthier', after all it is doable. Like addicts say 'one day at a time' because today you can manage, the rest of your life is overwhelming, impossible and setting yourself up to fail. More importantly, if you fail the failure is so large because you didn't screw up today or tomorrow but the rest of the year that you don't get back up and get on track again. Instead you quit, you beat yourself up and you give up on yourself. If you make Monday resolutions and on Thursday you fail it's ok because Monday is a new week, a new resolution. Focusing on losing weight is also setting yourself up to fail. It takes a lot of work and time to lose weight so after a week or two of 'dieting' and you get on that scale and only lost 1 to 2 pounds you just quit. You feel like you worked so hard for no return, so go with I am going to eat healthier than add I am going to walk 3 times a week and from there keep adding a new healthy lifestyle change.

I cringe when I hear someone say 'I am going to fall in love', really just like that you make this statement and it is just going to happen. Of course, then she get's stupid drunk (20 somethings, its what they do) and goes home with some loser starting the New Year doing the walk of shame. You know that girl walking to her car at 8 am in a black cocktail dress and stillettos with racoon eyes. To find love you have to find yourself first, so instead of I am going to fall in love you should be stating this year I am going to learn to love myself. Even better, this year I am not going to date men/women that don't meet my qualifiers and I am going to learn to be happy alone. So you know this is the only way you will find that 'love of your life', not at 2 a.m. in some bar at last call. You may be 'in love' with being 'in love' and if that is the case you will never find the right person. If you want to know if that is the case for you there is a true sign, start writing down all of the men/women you have been in a relationship with over the past 2 to 5 years. How long were you with them? Why did it end? How long did you wait before the next relationship? Follow the pattern, jumping from one relationship to the next and as soon as they become real (difficult/work) and you run well you are probably a candidate for being 'in love' with being 'in love'.

These resolution's are a simplification of the issue anyway, obesity isn't solved by losing wieght becaust the weight is a symptom. The same goes for serial daters or addicts, there is a deeper issue. In order to change those 'symptoms' you need to find out the cause and that won't be fixed because 'this year I am going to lose 30 pounds'. I am an emotional eater so if I want to lose wieght I need to stop my emotional eating which I can't stop until I find out the reason I am doing it. If you are having issues in staying in a relationship the common factor is you so you need to work on the why, why do you choose to date the same loser everytime and why do you expect a different outcome when you keep doing the same thing, These are serious, deep questions that will take a lot of time to figure out and no one can fix this but you. This is why resolutions fail, they are just fluff.

There is no law that says you have to have a New Year's Resolution so don't make a resolution in the heat of the moment. Gym memberships go through the roof in January and by the end of Febuary the gym has cleared out because these resolutions don't work. Why put so much pressure on yourself before the year has even begun? Here's my resolution, I am going to try to be the best me I can be, I am going to try to be happy, live a good life and I am going to try to not worry about things I can not control. No where did I say 'I am going to be happy' or 'I am going to be/quit ____'. I am going to try and if I fail that is ok I can try again because I didn't make this strong black and white statement. We are a work in progress, everyday is a new day so you don't have to wait until New Year's Eve to decide what changes you are going to make this year. Life is constantly changing and I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow or what road block, pit fall is waiting around the corner for me that will derail that resolution. Just try to be the best you, you can be and the rest will follow. Resolve to laugh more, smile more, love more and live more in 2016.

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