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You Need To Know How You Like Your Eggs
06/09/2015
Ok I am a mom so yes I am going to brag, a little but don't worry she's not a super athlete or the top of her class actually I wouldn't brag about that because those would be her  successes not mine.  I raised my daughter on my own and we had several bumps in the road as well as a few detours so I worry about it, to be honest I beat myself up for it.  She does not have a close relationship with her father and you worry, you worry because studies show girls that do not have a good relationship with their fathers are more likely to have sex early to fill that void. I've always had talks with her about sex and relationships hoping that she would make good decisions but I didn't always set the greatest example.

Being a single mom and having had a plethora of failed relationships I am jaded and I wanted to make sure she didn't relive my mistakes.  I did learn from my mistakes and my part in those mistakes because when a relationship fails it's not just one person that is at fault.  My biggest mistake in relationships was I wanted to make the other person happy to a fault.  I got lost in their lives and eventually I lost myself in the process so I told her about my mistakes.  I told her about the years I wasted chasing the love of my father.  I learned that his faults, his absence in my life was not because I wasn't good enough but because he wasn't good enough.  I told her that I had to forgive him and forgive myself so I could move on.  She watched me heal and become stronger.  I stopped dating and started to find myself again like the movie The Runaway Bride I needed to learn what kind of eggs I liked. I wanted to set a better example for her because she deserved it and because I wanted it for her.

When she was in the sixth grade she asked when she would be old enough to date and I think I gave her the best answer possible.  I told her when you are mature enough to handle a broken heart and able to move beyond it. She got a boyfriend, he broke her heart and she moved.  I managed restaurants and nightclubs for years so I have seen my share of 20 something girls that just seem to need to be in a relationship and when it doesn't work out they fall apart.  They are calling off work or crying at work and after the first year I began to be annoyed by the drama they swim in.  I know I did not my daughter to act like that, to think it is normal to cry at work because a boy dumped them or slept with their best friend. So here is my insight for you, your daughters or any teen out there fairy tales don't exist, they are an out and out lie.  There will be no knight in shinning armor that will ride in on his white horse to save you if you need to be saved look in the mirror the person look back at you is the only one that can save you.

At 16 my daughter asked me when do you know you are ready to have sex, ugh my heart dropped but I have to be someone she can go to so I can't push her away so I have to suck it up and have this conversation.  Again I came up with the best answer, when you are ready to discuss it and have had a talk about when, where, how to have safe sex and what you will do if everything fails and you become pregnant.  I told her if you can't talk about it you aren't ready to have sex, I also told her when she is ready or thinks she is getting close to maybe having sex she can come to me and I will get her on the pill and get condoms.  So far I haven't had to but I know one of these days I will and I will have to trust that she is making the right decision. My husband and I laugh because she seems to break up with every boy she dates after the first kiss she seems to know exactly what she wants and she won't settle.

So to my bragging point at 17 she has been seeing this boy that she seemed to like a lot.  She actually introduced him to me which typically she doesn't because she isn't that serious about them.  The other day I asked about him and she said he couldn't be the kind of boyfriend she needs that she really likes him but if he can't be what she needs she can't date him.  She won't settle for anything less even though she really liked him she would rather walk away and stay true to herself.  He keeps calling she tells him the same thing, she has no interest in playing games or accepting anything less than she deserves.  Yeah I am very proud of her against the odds she is not starving for love of a man.  She is smarted than most 30 year old women when it comes to relationships now if I could just get her to clean her room and not leave dishes everywhere. Oh well she would be boring if she was perfect.

  





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Comments

Thank you for writing this! I often feel alone about mistakes I made in dating and marriage and how it will affect my daughters and their choices in men, and how they will handle a broken heart. And of course, I dread the time when I have to talk about being intimate! This advice is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
, 06/09/2015


*** Reply To: , 06/09/2015
It's hard because no matter how old they are they are still our babies.
Carrie Licata , 06/09/2015