Fashion is what you have, Style is who you are.

Betsey Johnson
Donna Karan
James Perse Enterprises
Lavish Alice

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Beauty Has Become Unattainable
Photo shopping has become insane it is everywhere not just in advertising, not just for celebrities but everyone from teenagers to my own peers.  What has happened to us that we have to severely alter our appearance for social media? I get it, I don't have the face of a 25 year old anymore it's just that well its not authentic. it's not really you and you're cheating us we want to see you not some computer generated version of you.  I am a mom so I have to look at a lot of the things I do and ask is this what I want for my daughter because she learns by me whether she is aware of it or not.  If I become insecure or ashamed of the way I look I will pass that down to her and don't want her to ever feel she is less than beautiful.

I am so confused by the whole Kim Kardashian selfie thing, you know the one where she hires people to take pictures of her.  She brings in lighting and makeup artist my confusion is that I was under the impression that doing that made it a portrait session and that a selfie was a picture you took of yourself. Yesterday I read an article/blog from Elle Magazine by Sally Holmes, were this women took so many days of living like Kim through the Selfie.  Hold on don't go yet the article was enlightening and has had me thinking about it since I read it.  This is not a Kardashian article, I haven't joined that band wagon.

The author, Sally is like all of us attractive not a model but still beautiful and she was extremely honest so we see her lack of sleep or discoloration from a normal uneven skin tone.  The interesting part was the filter, the filter I gather Kim uses on her selfies to remove any and all discoloration, lines and bags under her eyes so she would take a picture show us without the filter and than with the filter.  There was a dramatic difference between the two which has me concerned about the world my daughter is currently living in as a teenager.  When your ideal is something that actually doesn't exists because well we are not plastic dolls but real people that sometimes are tired or wake up with a zit of epic proportions in the middle of our face.  My daughter, scratch that we are all inundated with images of what beauty is suppose to look like and it's not real. We aren't talking make up and hair not real but 100% fiction not the standard smoke & mirrors.

What is that doing to us, well my social media sites are full of photo shopped, filtered pictures so what happens when you have to go out? People are going to see what you look like so my question is why present yourself in any other way than you actually are? Listen I don't post pictures of myself that I embarrassed about, that maybe the light is making me look older than I think I look or I held my arms forward and now they look like I weigh 50 lbs more than I do.  Actually, I do post some pictures were I shake my head thinking why would you show people that but its who I am. I do feel I have a responsibility to present myself honestly so yeah there are no makeup pictures and other less than flattering.  I don't want to be ashamed of the way I look and more importantly I don't want my daughter to be ashamed of the way she looks because I think she is so beautiful inside and out.  

You look like some amazing people that have loved you through thick and thin.  That is your mothers nose you are altering, the woman that sacrificed everyday for you, its the chin of your father that may no longer be here.  You are the face of generations that have fought wars, fought for your rights and have passed on a little of themselves to you and when you look at your children faces you will see that legacy passed on to them.  So what if you are getting older, it happens, it happens to all of us you're not alone.  Why should we be ashamed of it, we earned it and it doesn't make any less beautiful than you were 10 years ago.  Trust me when your husband looks at you he still sees the face of girl he first met.  Things are changing and so are you but if you keep trying to fight the inevitable you are going to miss out on so much beauty that is here right now.  As the French say, love the face you have right now because in 10 years it will be the face you wish you had.  Let go of the young girl and embrace the elegant, sophisticated woman you are today.

It's time to have an open conversation about beauty, aging and stop hiding behind filters.  Let's redefine what beauty is and stop letting some self obsessed "selfie" distort the truth.  I have said this before but it bares repeating an agent once told me beautiful women are a dime a dozen only a few are so beautiful on the inside that it shines outward. I actually almost had Botox this week and then decided I don't need it. Yeah I have that line between my brows I see it and it honestly never really bothered me until I went to this event at a spa. I allowed this person to make me feel that this line was really bad and it needed to get fixed blah blah blah.  They could fix that and maybe even reverse some damage because it will stop me from scowling but hey I scowl what the hell am I going to do when I want to give my husband that look.  You know the maybe you shouldn't do or say that without having to speak a word I mean seriously between him and the kids this could be a problem.  At this point in my life I am choosing not to do anything drastic and I have decided to not allow other people change the way I see myself that's not to say that one day in the future I won't do something but whatever I do, do I will take a page from the French only one thing you don't want to look like you had anything done. 

I lost my grandfather a few years ago and to this day it aches to know he isn't here anymore, when I was a preteen he would tell me about his grandmother, who had the most beautiful auburn curly hair and he would tell me I had her hair.  After a few years I began to realize that him seeing my hair curly and unruly gave him so much joy because he saw his mother when he looked at me.  I learned to love my hair through his love and what it meant to him. I love you grandpa, Eilish has her hair now and hope it brings her a little closer to you.

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